Changing one's name and identity

Yaner waited in the inn for an entire day, but no one came to find her. At last she could only conclude that she had trusted the wrong person, and she gently patted Zitian.

Zitian was already two months old. Lately she had been caring for him herself. Mother and child remained inseparable; aside from clinging to Baili Mubai, he clung to her as well. So long as he opened his eyes and failed to see either of them, he would begin to cry his heart out, and the wet nurse had no idea how to soothe this little tyrant.

“If you are in such a hurry to enter the palace, I can go there tonight,” Baili Mubai said, seeing her anxiety. He disliked the palace very much, but for Yaner’s sake, he would still go.

“Mubai, I still do not feel at ease about Zitian. I keep feeling that someone like Guan Canghai would never trust me. If Zitian follows us into the palace, then even if you have three heads and six arms, you cannot guard against hidden knives and arrows.” She had to protect Zitian’s safety.

“You mean...?”

“If I enter the palace, I will take Zitian and leave.” Yaner looked at Baili Mubai with unwavering resolve.

“You would willingly remain beside that thief? Do you truly love the life of silk and jade so much? How can you ever face Zitian’s birth father!” Baili Mubai gripped his teacup, then, afraid of startling the child, forced himself to let go.

“I do this for Yueyang, not for wealth and splendor.”

“You have no power to even truss a chicken; you cannot contend with Guan Canghai. Better that we live in seclusion and raise Zitian well. When he grows up, I will take him to settle accounts with that man!” Baili Mubai looked down at Zitian.

Just as the two of them were locked in an impasse, each refusing to yield, the wet nurse knocked and softly called through the door, “Madam, there is an official outside asking to see you.”

Yaner’s face lit with delight as she looked at Baili Mubai. “I will go see.”

Baili Mubai suddenly lifted Zitian into his arms. “Be careful. There may be a trap.”

At his warning, the joy in Yaner’s expression faded. She slowly opened the door and followed the wet nurse downstairs.

Li Zuo sat in the inn with refined ease, dressed in a pale moon-white robe, drinking tea.

“Lord Li.” Seeing that he had changed out of his court attire, Yaner found him the very image of a classical scholar.

“Miss Yan.” Li Zuo hurriedly rose. “I have matters I wish to discuss with you in detail.” He glanced at the wet nurse beside her. Taking the hint, Yaner sent the wet nurse away. It seemed he had come alone. Yaner felt that this time Li Zuo must have brought news from the palace, rather than a silencing blade.

“I shall not waste words. It is neither difficult nor easy for you to enter the palace. This morning, His Majesty issued an edict to fill the imperial harem.” Li Zuo paused to observe her expression.

Yaner’s face showed no change; she kept smiling. Perhaps I am the one overthinking, Li Zuo told himself.

“Lord Li, please speak plainly.”

“How many enter the palace is of no interest to me. So long as I may enter, that is enough.”

“His Majesty’s selection of consorts is no small matter. Those sent into the palace are all women of distinguished birth and extraordinary beauty. Your appearance, Miss Yan, is certainly more than adequate. However...” Li Zuo’s words struck straight at the heart of the matter. “I fear that if you enter the palace in your present capacity, it will alarm the court from top to bottom.”

“I am what I am. Lord Li seems to know that better than anyone,” Yaner said without haste.

“Indeed. A family left behind by the ministers of a fallen dynasty, with origins that are even more... questionable.”

“You...” Yaner had not expected him to mention such things. “The child is Guan Canghai’s.”

“And so what? You cannot explain yourself to every person under heaven, nor offer them a convincing tale.” Li Zuo sat back down and looked at her with amusement.

“Very well. Thank you, Lord Li. I shall take the child and leave at once, and never return.” Yaner turned on her heel with dignity, ready to depart.

“That may not be necessary.” Li Zuo drew out the suspense, forcing Yaner to stop.

“Why must you speak in riddles, Lord Li? I am not a fool,” Yaner said with some irritation. This Li Zuo was impossible to read.

“I intend to take in a sworn younger sister, so that she may accompany my own sister into the palace. What do you think, Miss Yan?” Li Zuo smiled at her.

Yaner steadied herself. A sworn sister? “Thank you for your kindness, Lord Li.”

She did not bow, merely gave a simple reply.

“This is only a temporary expedient. His Majesty has already agreed to my proposal. Now it depends on your decision.”

“Then what of the child?” Yaner’s earlier excitement faded as she suddenly grasped the difficulty. If she followed Li Zuo’s plan, she would enter the palace under another identity. That would indeed make things look more lawful, but her status would be entirely different. How could she, as an unmarried woman, carry an infant into the palace?

“That is indeed a problem. After all, the child is of imperial blood.” Li Zuo deliberately emphasized those last two words, watching her reaction.

“If he were not of imperial blood, why would I have traveled so far to come here?” Yaner asked.

“Very well. I have heard that there is a capable young man at your side. Why not have him accompany you into the palace as a guard to protect your safety? As for his identity, I will naturally arrange it properly.”

Yaner suddenly understood something. She turned her back. “I cannot make that decision. He has always been a free-spirited man, and I do not think he could endure the rigid life of the palace. Lord Li need not make plans for him.”

If she entered the palace, then Mubai would enter too. But what of Zitian? She meant to protect Zitian, yet Li Zuo had not said a single word about where the child would go. Could it be that Guan Canghai already suspected the child’s identity?

“There is also the matter of the child. I can raise him,” Li Zuo said abruptly.

“You mean to say that mother and son must be separated?” At last everything became clear to Yaner. Regardless of whose child he was, if she wished to enter the palace, Zitian would be deprived of what should have been his.

“The destiny of the realm,” Li Zuo said, and fell silent again.

Yaner thought for a long time. Finally she said, “Very well, Lord Li. I agree.”

Li Zuo rose with a smile. “Tomorrow, I will send someone to bring you to the residence. I trust you are not unfamiliar with the Grand Commandant’s estate...”

“I do not know what elder brother means. If I am only a sworn younger sister, and tomorrow will be my first time entering the estate, how could I be familiar with the Grand Commandant’s residence?” Yaner said, her expression grave.

“Excellent! You truly are a clever one.” Li Zuo looked at her with satisfaction. “From now on, your name will be Li... Chuxia.”

“See yourself out.” Yaner forced out a thin smile and left first.

Feigning composure, Yaner hurried up the stairs. She closed the inn door behind her and leaned against it, gasping for breath.

“What did he say to you?” Baili Mubai asked, holding Zitian.

“Mubai, I think Guan Canghai may have realized that Zitian is not necessarily his own flesh and blood.”

“Hmph. All the better. Zitian and I also have old enmities to settle. I might as well enter the palace and kill him myself!” Baili Mubai set Zitian down alone on the bed.

“You are mad. Think it through: who else now can control such a vast land? Even if you killed him, would that not only bring a new uprising of warlords? The common people would still be forced to live in misery. What they fear most is war. If you kill him for your own desire, in the end, who among the countless ordinary folk would not suffer? And another thing—what if you cannot kill him? Guan Canghai is a man of such meticulous calculation. If you take me and Zitian with you, how can you both preserve our lives and find a chance to kill him? From the way things look now, I even suspect we have been followed all along.” Yaner’s voice grew softer and softer as she spoke.

“I told you from the start that relying on him was the best course. If you had not been so stubborn then, would you be in such distress now?” Zitian lay in bed, giggling as he sucked on his fingers. Looking at him, Baili Mubai could only sigh.

“I must enter the palace. I will not allow anyone else to hold my life in their hands, Mubai.” Suddenly Yaner knelt to the floor. Perhaps her selfishness had been too great. Perhaps some part of her still harbored resentment toward Pan Yueyang. However she felt, her emotions toward Zitian were shallow; perhaps she had always been cold by nature.

“What are you doing?” Baili Mubai was thrown into disarray by her sudden kneeling.

“Mubai, you are the only person in this world I can trust and entrust things to. I beg you, take Zitian away from here, as far as you can. Raise him, teach him martial arts.” When she finished, Yaner struck her head to the floor three times.

“So you still intend to enter the palace?” Baili Mubai truly could not understand this woman.

“I must. I will keep this life so that one day I may meet my child again! But Mubai, Zitian is still too young. He cannot protect himself yet. I beg you to take him away. Please, help me raise him!”

Still kneeling, Yaner refused to rise.

Baili Mubai gazed at her. The room had gone eerily still. After a long while, he finally lifted Zitian, who had fallen asleep at some point. “Get up. I agree.”

Yaner said nothing. She bowed three more times, remaining prostrate on the floor for a long while. Baili Mubai gave a long sigh. “Come hold Zitian.”

Yaner rose and walked over, touching the child’s soft little face. Her eyes blurred as she looked at him. Covering her mouth, she leaned against Baili Mubai’s arm. “Within the next few years, I am afraid I will not be able to contact you. You must remember this: when Zitian is able to protect himself, if you know I am here, you must come find me.”

“I will. The night is long, and dreams bring many troubles. I must take Zitian away now.” Baili Mubai placed Zitian in Yaner’s arms and began packing the child’s clothes in a hurry.

“Now?” Yaner had never imagined he would leave so soon, not even leaving them mother and son one final night.

“With my skill, I heard every word you said to that man.” Baili Mubai turned back helplessly to look at her.

Yaner felt awkward. “It is good to have martial arts.”

Baili Mubai gave Yaner and Zitian no more time. He drew the child against his chest and tied him to himself with a large cloth wrap, making it easier to carry him.

“Be careful in all things,” Yaner whispered. Then she looked at Zitian again. Taking up scissors, she cut a lock of fine hair into her palm, picked up the sachet at her waist, quickly tucked the hair inside, and then removed the one pair of earrings she wore and put them into the sachet as well.

Baili Mubai took the sachet and, without hesitation, slipped it into his robe. “So long as I am alive, Zitian will be safe. At the latest, in ten years, we will come back for sure.”