82 The Arrival of Life

“No!” Yan’er fainted once more.

Baili Mubai caught her falling body and gently laid her on the bed. As he reached for the quilt to cover her, he was startled by the warm dampness on the back of his hand.

“Yan’er, Yan’er, what’s wrong with you!” Baili Mubai patted her cheeks in alarm. He was clueless about women’s affairs, but the faint trace of blood in the liquid on his hand made him panic.

“Mubai… Mubai, I feel like… I’m about to give birth…” Yan’er clutched her belly tightly, gasping for breath as she fought through the pain.

“What should I do? I’ll fetch a doctor.” Baili Mubai quickly covered her with the quilt.

“No, get a midwife.” Yan’er grabbed his hand, her voice desperate. “Save… the child. He’s Yueyang’s! You must save the child!” Beads of sweat rolled down her face like raindrops.

Baili Mubai pried her hand away and, moving as fast as he could, found a woman nearby. “It’s her—she’s about to give birth!”

The old woman lifted the quilt to examine Yan’er. “Quick! Boil some water, now! The child can’t wait much longer—what a misfortune, the amniotic fluid is all but gone.”

Baili Mubai set aside his sorrow and hurried to build a fire, boiling water as fast as he could. The midwife shouted impatiently for more hot water. Growing anxious, Baili Mubai fed the fire with all his might, but the water still refused to boil. Rolling up his sleeves, he channeled his inner strength, making the flames roar, and soon pot after pot of water was boiling. The midwife, seeing that only the two of them lived here, assumed Baili Mubai was Yan’er’s husband.

“You, come here and hold her down!” she instructed, rolling up her own sleeves and reaching under the quilt. “Don’t let go, whatever you do!”

“Ah!” Yan’er arched her back in pain, and Baili Mubai pressed her down firmly. After a long, tense struggle, a newborn’s wail finally pierced the fraught atmosphere.

“She’s delivered—a boy.” The midwife lifted the infant and handed him to Baili Mubai.

He stared at the swaddled child, his face smeared with blood, features indistinct and so ugly he could hardly bear a second glance. Holding the baby in his hands, Baili Mubai stood in the center of the room, watching as the midwife tended to Yan’er.

“That’s no way to hold a child!” the midwife scolded, snatching the baby back and showing him how it was done. “See? Hold him like this—mind his waist, it’s so soft. A moment’s carelessness from an adult, and the child could perish.” She finished attending to the unconscious Yan’er, then wiped the baby’s bloodied face with a cloth.

“You have no one to look after the mother here,” the midwife continued, nagging. “You’d better hire a woman to help during her confinement. I doubt your wife will have enough milk—you’d best prepare to find a wet nurse.” Baili Mubai’s head was spinning from her endless chatter.

Cradling the newborn, Baili Mubai’s eyes grew damp. This tiny life was likely his senior brother’s only remaining bloodline. Gently, he laid the child beside Yan’er, but the little one, deprived of his warmth, immediately began to wail.

Yan’er opened her eyes, her voice weak. “Mubai…”

“Yan’er, you’re awake. Look—it’s a boy.” Baili Mubai, helpless, picked up the infant again, and instantly, the baby stopped crying in his arms.

“He likes you, Mubai. Name him,” Yan’er said, struggling to sit up against the headboard.

“You should decide,” Baili Mubai replied, gazing at the baby, who now slept peacefully in his arms—a joy and tenderness he’d never known before stirring within him.

“No—he really likes you. You name him. If Yueyang were here, he’d agree to let you name his son as well.” Yan’er’s expression shifted. She’d thought she hated Pan Yueyang to the core, but upon hearing of his death, she realized she still cared for him—still loved him.

“Let’s call him Zi Zhan,” Baili Mubai said after a moment, looking at the child.

“Zi Zhan?” Yan’er pondered. “As in the character for ‘battle’?”

“Zi, for the son, will battle for his father. His biological father was a legendary god of war. This child will inherit his father’s mantle. I’ve decided—I’ll teach him martial arts myself, and he’ll never fall short of his father.” Baili Mubai recalled his senior brother, and tears threatened to fall.

“Good.” Yan’er looked at her son, a distracted smile on her lips. This child might be Yueyang’s only legacy. She would protect Zi Zhan at all costs.

Baili Mubai hired a woman to care for Yan’er during her confinement. As the midwife predicted, Yan’er had no milk for the baby. Frail and unable to eat, Yan’er grew even weaker, so Baili Mubai found a wet nurse to feed the child each day. Yet Zi Zhan clung to Baili Mubai, content only in his arms except when nursing or sleeping.

Freed from caring for her son, Yan’er recovered quickly. Although she was Zi Zhan’s birth mother, the baby much preferred Baili Mubai. “Heh, Mubai,” Yan’er chuckled, watching the two of them play together.

“What is it?” Baili Mubai was completely absorbed with Zi Zhan.

“Perhaps I’ve always relied on you while carrying this child. Now that he’s born, he recognizes you as well, and clings to you, too?” Yan’er watched them, a quiet ache in her heart known only to herself.

“Perhaps. By the way, a letter arrived from the Imperial City this morning. Open it and see.” Baili Mubai pulled out the letter, guessing it was from Guan Canghai. As he cradled Zi Zhan, he found himself thinking that, perhaps, the boy would be his own son from now on. For his senior brother’s sake, he would protect this child.

Yan’er opened the letter, quickly read it, and slid it across the table to Baili Mubai. “He wants us to come. I’ve heard the capital is moving to the Imperial City as well.”

“He’s doing this on purpose!” Baili Mubai barely glanced at the letter.

“Mubai, for Zi Zhan’s sake, from now on, you must listen to me.” Yan’er considered carefully. Zi Zhan was in Guan Canghai’s hands; if he ever discovered the child wasn’t his, Zi Zhan would be in danger. Mubai was the best shield, though even a shield offered no absolute safety.

Yan’er lay awake all night, thinking through countless details. Early the next morning, she knocked on Baili Mubai’s door.

Knock, knock, knock—

“Mubai?” Yan’er thought she heard movement inside.

“Just a moment, wait.” Baili Mubai hastily tightened his belt and appeared at the door with Zi Zhan in his arms.

“Why is Zi Zhan in your room?” Yan’er asked, eyeing her son.

“That’s rich, coming from you. You’re his mother and still can’t look after him—I have to do it.” Though Baili Mubai complained, he looked at Zi Zhan with satisfaction.

“I…” Ah, she wanted Zi Zhan with her, too, but the boy simply wasn’t close to her.

“Last night the wet nurse couldn’t get him to sleep, so she brought him to me. I held the little fellow all night, and he slept like a baby. I think, once Zi Zhan is weaned, I can dismiss the wet nurse.” Baili Mubai lifted Zi Zhan high, making the baby laugh.

“Come inside, I need to talk to you.” Yan’er stepped into the room, shutting the door behind her. “I thought long and hard last night. I’ve decided—we’ll go to the Imperial City as soon as the child’s first month is over.”

“Are you sure?” Zi Zhan gazed at his mother from Baili Mubai’s arms.

“Yes, we must go. But Mubai, I don’t trust Guan Canghai. I’m afraid he’ll harm Zi Zhan. He’s too cunning and trusts no one, so you must stay with Zi Zhan at all times. I’ll find a way to keep him from clinging to me—you help me raise him.” Yan’er’s words sounded like a final farewell, leaving Baili Mubai deeply saddened.

“If that’s what you want, you can count on me for Zi Zhan.” By now, Baili Mubai couldn’t bear the thought of parting from the boy. In half a month, their bond had grown as close as father and son.

Today was Zi Zhan’s one-month mark, and the day of departure from Yuecheng was drawing near. Baili Mubai arranged for the wet nurse to accompany them to the Imperial City, paying her double wages.

Yan’er spent the last few days packing valuables and preparing plenty of clothes for Zi Zhan. At dawn the next day, they would return to the Imperial City—the place she had fled and longed for.

Baili Mubai bought a carriage for their journey. Yan’er, holding Zi Zhan, and the wet nurse boarded first. The carriage, chosen for its spaciousness, held two beds; the wet nurse placed her bundle on the smaller one beside the larger bed. Thick carpets lined the floor, making it soft underfoot, and Yan’er sat on the main bed, holding the sleeping Zi Zhan.

“Shall we go?” Baili Mubai lifted the curtain to check on them.

Yan’er nodded. Baili Mubai nodded back, dropped the curtain, and the carriage began to roll forward.

Though the journey should have taken half a month, Baili Mubai slowed their pace for Yan’er and the baby. Sometimes he would stop, playing with the newly awake Zi Zhan, the wet nurse helping Yan’er along behind.

“Madam, your husband is truly remarkable. Any woman would be blessed to marry such a man,” the wet nurse remarked, unaware of the real relationship between Baili Mubai and Yan’er.

“Thank you,” Yan’er replied, offering no further explanation.

With frequent stops, the journey stretched to nearly a month before Yan’er finally returned to the Imperial City.

“Mubai… I remember, around this time last year, you roasted sparrows for me.” Yan’er lifted the curtain. The carriage was passing beneath a small hill, and she looked up at it.

Baili Mubai said nothing, merely tugging the reins to turn the carriage toward the hill.

Yan’er jumped down, handing the child to the wet nurse, and walked alone up the hill. Memories from more than a year ago surged in her mind. Staring in the direction where Pan Yueyang had once led his troops, Yan’er stretched out her hand as if seeing, once again, the man in black armor—proud, confident, commanding. She waved from the hilltop. “Yueyang…”

Baili Mubai had started a fire and tossed the caught sparrows aside. Seeing Yan’er lost in thought, he felt certain she’d never lied to him—her heart still belonged to his senior brother. Fearing she might lose her footing, he hurried over and pulled her away from the edge.

“Mubai, I miss him…” Yan’er suddenly threw her arms around Baili Mubai and burst into tears.