Once More, Wound Me Again

Yan returned from the woods to the camp without uttering a word. Bai Li Mu Bai watched her worriedly, his face full of eager anticipation. “Yan, the sparrow is roasted. Try it and see how it tastes.”

She smiled at this big boy. Along the way, she had thought about many things—what she really was, things even she couldn’t fathom about herself.

“Yan, I’ll always protect you. If you don’t want to continue any longer…” Bai Li Mu Bai looked at her with sincerity, “I can take you away. We’ll go somewhere no one can find us.”

Was this a confession? Yan stared blankly at Bai Li Mu Bai. She knew he cared for her, liked her, and she liked him too—but only as one likes a childhood companion, never as a man. She quickly lowered her head.

“Yan?” Bai Li Mu Bai was a bit disoriented. “I can’t compare to Senior Brother, I know. One is exalted, the other is worthless. Don’t mind what I said, it was just a passing remark.”

“Mu Bai.” Yan spoke softly. “I know you’re good to me, and I like you too.”

“Then—what do you mean?” Bai Li Mu Bai looked at her with hope. If Senior Brother hadn’t acted so excessively these past two times, he wouldn’t have said such things or suggested they leave together.

“I… it’s nothing,” Yan said. Even if she was heartbroken, even if she hated Pan Yue Yang, the thought of leaving with Mu Bai made her feel even worse—worse than the pain Yue Yang had caused her.

Bai Li Mu Bai didn’t speak for a long time. He shed his seriousness, smiled playfully at Yan, “Since you’ve decided, I’ll agree. But you must be happy. I’ll always be by your side, roasting sparrows for you. Here, try it.” He pushed the plate toward her.

“Thank you, Mu Bai. You’re a kind person.” Yan obediently tore off small pieces of sparrow meat, eating without tasting, yet pretending to be cheerful.

Bai Li Mu Bai turned away, fighting back tears in his eyes. Men don’t easily cry, but the pain of first love’s rejection made him sad. “Yan, take your time eating. I’m heading out.” He fled the tent, running wildly to a big tree, pounding its trunk. The autumn wind shook loose leaves, scattering them beyond sight…

Yan set down the roasted sparrow. “Ah…” She lay on the table, not caring about greasy fingers, quietly wiping away tears.

The door creaked open again.

Yan hurriedly composed herself. “Mu Bai, I haven’t finished eating yet.” She turned her back to the entrance, quickly grabbing a sparrow.

The newcomer was silent, merely standing behind her.

Yan assumed it was Bai Li Mu Bai, frantically wiping her tears, her voice choked, “Mu Bai, thank you, really. I’m fine. I’m just so happy to have roasted sparrow.”

The person gently shook their head.

Yan tore off some meat and put it in her mouth. “Mm, delicious!” She hurriedly gnawed at the sparrow, and the food seemed to lift her spirits. She steadied herself, “Mu Bai, no matter how Yue Yang treats me… my heart has long been full of him. I understand your feelings, but I can only pretend not to. You’re like a brother to me. I hope you’ll always care for your little sister.”

Suddenly, the person behind her placed both hands on Yan’s shoulders. She shuddered, turning to scold Bai Li Mu Bai.

“Yue Yang?” Yan twisted around. She didn’t want everything she had just said to Bai Li Mu Bai to reach Pan Yue Yang’s ears. Moreover… Facing Pan Yue Yang, she didn’t know what to feel. Was she supposed to show affection to the one who had hurt her most?

“Yan.” Pan Yue Yang had heard her words and was deeply unsettled. He gripped her shoulders tightly, restraining his impulse.

“Do you need something?” Yan turned away, refusing to look at him.

“I just came to check on you.” Pan Yue Yang himself wasn’t sure how to speak to her. Perhaps he really had been too harsh just now…

“You saw it.” Yan blinked. The tears she had just managed to suppress threatened to spill again.

“That’s good. Rest early.” Pan Yue Yang released her shoulders and turned to leave, Yan’s gaze full of hatred trailing after his back.

Pan Yue Yang had intended to ease the tension between them, but seeing Yan’s evasive expression, he knew she was avoiding him. He had reached his limit. Was he supposed to apologize to her?

That he would not do. For a woman, he had already gone to extremes more than once—something he’d never done before. Pan Yue Yang strode straight to Bai Li Mu Bai’s tent.

“Mu Bai.” Pan Yue Yang smiled faintly at the dejected Bai Li Mu Bai.

Bai Li Mu Bai saw his senior, but didn’t get up or speak, his expression vacant as he stared at the cup on the table.

“I know you resent what happened today.” Pan Yue Yang sat beside him, just like when they were children, grasping his hand. He smiled. The child he once held was now grown, his hands as big as his own, no longer small enough to fit in his palm.

“Well, take Yan away then.” Pan Yue Yang looked helplessly at the hand now equal to his.

“She won’t go,” Bai Li Mu Bai finally replied.

“Mm.” Pan Yue Yang released him, stood up. That was the answer he sought—his mood improved. Yan wouldn’t leave him.

“If she wanted to go, I wouldn’t let her stay by your side to suffer so much,” Bai Li Mu Bai added.

“I’ll protect her from now on.” This was just an accident. As for the part about shirking responsibility, Pan Yue Yang wisely left it unsaid.

“Senior Brother!” Bai Li Mu Bai stood up in agitation, rarely so serious.

“Speak.” Pan Yue Yang only wanted to confirm whether Bai Li Mu Bai would take Yan away. With the answer given, he returned to his usual arrogance.

“Treat Yan well. Don’t let her suffer again. Otherwise, whether she agrees or not, I’ll take her far away!”

Pan Yue Yang said nothing, walking out straight, his eyes growing more furious with every step.

It was nearing dusk. The camp’s cook was busy preparing dinner. Today, Young Master Bai Li had caught a pheasant, which he planned to cook and send to the lady. The cook sang folk tunes from his hometown, and soldiers passing by joined in cheerfully.

The war had ended without losses. For every soldier, this was the best outcome. News had spread that the emperor had sent men to take over Moon City; soon, they could return home. Those not assigned to night patrol gathered by the cook’s bonfire, singing along.

This small, impromptu party ended abruptly as Pan Yue Yang stepped out of Bai Li Mu Bai’s tent.

“What are you doing?!” Pan Yue Yang was already seething.

…

In the following days, the entire camp seemed shrouded in anger. Everyone served their masters with extreme caution. The general’s expression was always blank, but his eyes threatened to burn anyone who met them, so the soldiers kept their heads down, not daring to look.

The lady could occasionally be seen out for a walk, but always with her head lowered, lost in thought. Stranger still, whenever she caught sight of the general, she would immediately turn and leave.

Young Master Bai Li barely left his tent. The previous night, a few had seen him step outside; the boy who always smiled seemed to have grown up. The smile was gone, replaced by a cold distance.

The cook shook his head at these young people. Having lived long enough, he could see these young masters were all troubled by love. “Go deliver this meal.”

“Old Li, what’s going on with the masters?” a young soldier asked, peering at the tents.

The cook rapped the soldier on the head with a ladle. “How should I know what’s going on with you young folks! Serve carefully, don’t upset the general, or you’ll lose your head!”

Tonight’s meal was different. The cook had prepared three portions: one for Bai Li Mu Bai in his tent, one for Mu Qian Xue—the proud peacock—and the last, a double portion, was sent directly to Yan.

Pan Yue Yang checked the time. It was mealtime, but no one had appeared. “Come in.”

The old cook entered. “Your servant is here.” He glanced stealthily at Pan Yue Yang. “The general’s meal has already been delivered to the lady’s tent.”

Pan Yue Yang said nothing, his gaze indifferent. “Go.” He understood the cook’s intention, but didn’t want to elaborate, rising and leaving his tent.

Yan looked at the food on the table, her appetite gone. Every day, the words from Guan Cang Hai echoed in her ears: the child would not be born. All those she loved were leaving her. Yan stepped outside, the cool autumn air helping her see her fate more clearly.

She felt someone’s gaze upon her. Following it, she met Pan Yue Yang’s eyes. She had grown thinner.

Yan turned and went back inside, Pan Yue Yang following. Her coldness left him unsure how to interact with this woman. Perhaps, as a man, he should take the initiative. “Eat something.” Pan Yue Yang sat down, picking up his chopsticks.

Yan watched this man’s natural movements and sneered, rising to leave, but her wrist was grabbed.

“You’ve lost weight. Eat something.” Pan Yue Yang didn’t look at her.

“I’m not hungry.” Yan struggled to free her wrist.

“Even if you’re not hungry, the child will be.” By some miracle, despite Yan’s several brushes with danger, the child had survived unscathed.

“My affairs don’t concern the general.” Yan’s heart skipped at the mention of the child. Guan Cang Hai had been cruel; this child’s existence would only bring greater pain upon birth.

“Yan!” Pan Yue Yang set down his chopsticks. Today, he planned to have a proper talk with her.

An imperial decree arrives—

Just as Pan Yue Yang was about to confess his feelings to Yan, a eunuch’s shrill voice sounded outside the tent. Both of them, along with everyone in the camp, set aside their tasks and came out to kneel and receive the decree.