Chapter Seventy-Five: The Taste of Memory

When I stepped into the small photo studio, I idly took in the walls around me, hung with all manner of pictures: keepsakes of lovers wrapped in tenderness, art portraits of beautiful women out in the open country, and, more often than not, wedding photographs of young people just entering the bridal chamber of marriage. The shop was not large, only a few dozen square meters at most, but the little props arranged throughout the room were set with such care that they gave the place a warm, inviting feeling.

"Yang Chen, over here!" Zhang Jiaxin’s voice came from behind a curtain near the center of the shop.

I stopped looking around and followed the sound to the back. There I saw Zhang Jiaxin, who had already taken off her coat and tossed it onto a stool, chatting happily with a young man.

He looked to be around twenty-eight or twenty-nine, wearing black full-rim glasses, a small mustache on his chin, a clean white shirt, and light blue jeans. He had the easy air of someone casual, yet artistic.

I guessed he must be the owner of the studio. He was looking at me with a gentle smile, so I politely nodded back. Then I went to stand behind Zhang Jiaxin as she slipped into the little box camera for photo stickers, when the young man’s voice suddenly came from beside us.

"I’m the owner of this little shop. My name is Liu Yafeng. . . Young man, your girlfriend is very pretty. She seems to enjoy taking pictures with you. Spend a little more time with her and take a few more shots."

Hearing Liu Yafeng’s somewhat abrupt remark, I glanced at him in surprise, then shook my head and explained, "She is very pretty, but she’s not my girlfriend."

"So that’s how it is. . ." After hearing my explanation, something odd flashed through Liu Yafeng’s eyes. He then spread his hands in apology.

I did not think much more of it and climbed into the small booth of the photo machine. Inside, Zhang Jiaxin looked displeased.

"What’s wrong?" I could not quite make sense of her sudden change in mood. She had been so eager to take pictures just a moment ago, and now that everything was about to begin, she had lost interest? Were women all so hard to please. . .

"Nothing. . ." Zhang Jiaxin did not intend to tell me why. Taking a deep breath, she put on a bright smile again and looked at me in puzzlement. "Let’s begin!"

The shooting started. The camera clicked in quick succession, and Zhang Jiaxin and I made one expression after another. In the blink of an eye, twenty shots were done.

"Yang Chen. . ." Zhang Jiaxin looked at me with visible grievance.

"What now?"

She leaned her little face closer to mine before speaking. "Can’t you come a little nearer to me? From so far away, the pictures won’t turn out well. Do you hate me that much?"

I sighed and shook my head. It was not as though I was deliberately keeping my distance; it was only an instinctive reaction. As far as the relationship between Zhang Jiaxin and me used to go, distance had never affected the slightest thing between us. Back when we took photos, it was perfectly natural to put an arm around each other, hold each other, even kiss. But now that everything had changed beyond recognition, keeping some distance was not wrong.

Seeing that I said nothing, Zhang Jiaxin pouted and nudged her body into my arms, then the camera began again. As the shutter sounded, the second round of photos started. To cooperate with Zhang Jiaxin, I also made several ridiculous expressions with effort, while she smiled brilliantly, flashing a victory sign and pressing her pink, adorable face as close to mine as she could.

At last we stepped out of the photo booth. I straightened my clothes and let out a long breath, while Zhang Jiaxin hurried over to Liu Yafeng to get the thick stack of photos we had just taken.

"These are for you!" Zhang Jiaxin put the photos from the earlier, "failed" shots into my hands, her voice carrying a trace of complaint. Then she carefully slipped the later photos into a small photo sleeve and tucked them into her bag.

"Brother Feng, we’re heading out!" After paying, Zhang Jiaxin walked out cheerfully, not forgetting to bid the owner goodbye.

"Mm, take care, and come by again!" Liu Yafeng waved warmly back at Zhang Jiaxin.

"Did you know each other before?" After leaving the studio, I looked at Zhang Jiaxin in suspicion. "Since he was an acquaintance, couldn’t he have given you a discount?"

Seeing the expression on my face, as though I had just been cheated, Zhang Jiaxin covered her mouth and laughed softly. "That was our first meeting too. We just got acquainted!"

We continued walking aimlessly along the sidewalk. After all that photo taking, I had nearly forgotten that our original purpose had been to have breakfast. . . Besides, even if we were eating, could it still really be called breakfast?

We walked in relative silence for a while, until I saw a cold drink shop ahead called Unique Season. For some reason, I stopped at the entrance and stared blankly inside, where only a few scattered customers sat.

"Hey?" Zhang Jiaxin waved her hand in front of me. "What is it? Do you want to eat here?"

"Mm." As if under some spell, I actually agreed. Even I was a little surprised by my own answer, as though it had slipped out naturally without thought.

Under Zhang Jiaxin’s puzzled gaze, I went in first and found an empty seat at random. She followed and sat across from me.

"Hello, what would the two of you like?" A fairly pretty waitress came over to our table with a professional smile.

I stared blankly at the drink menu and said nothing for a moment. Zhang Jiaxin seemed to notice my hesitation and ordered a cup of sour plum soup first.

"One strawberry ice cream. . ." I handed the menu back to the waitress. Then, to Zhang Jiaxin’s wide-eyed astonishment, I added, "And one pineapple flavor as well."

After the waitress left, Zhang Jiaxin finally came back to herself and stared at me in shock. "Yang Chen, you never used to like cold drinks!"

I turned to look out the window at the street, where the heat was beginning to rise, and the image of Luo Qing, concentrating on eating a cold dessert, rose unbidden in my mind. I could not help smiling faintly as I said, "Yes."

"During the time I was gone. . . how did you change so much?" Zhang Jiaxin lowered her head sadly and no longer looked at me. "When we were together, you never would have tried to eat cold drinks on your own. . ."

"Because she likes them, and I love her. It’s that simple." I turned back to look at Zhang Jiaxin, who still kept her head bowed low. I really had changed—perhaps I had matured, perhaps I had become lost—but I admitted my change. And you, had you not changed at all? Could you still be as pure and lovely as before?

Suddenly, Zhang Jiaxin raised her head, her red eyes brimming with tears, and glared at me in anger. She stood up and slammed both hands hard onto the table, ignoring the setting and everyone around us, and shouted, "Yang Chen, when you’re with me, can’t you stop mentioning her? Can’t you stop bringing up the fact that you have a girlfriend!"

The cold drink shop fell silent at once. Every gaze in the room turned to the furious Zhang Jiaxin in that instant, but she seemed not to feel those piercing looks at all. She kept staring at me, her trembling hands gripping the table tightly.

"Xiao Xin. . ." I was exceptionally calm at that moment. I met her eyes, which were overflowing with every kind of emotion, without flinching, and said softly, "Once, you were my whole world too. I would unconsciously change everything about myself, just to be with you. I would shed tears without thinking when you were sad, and laugh along with you when you were happy. There was even a time when I truly believed we were destined to be together!"

As I spoke, Zhang Jiaxin slowly sank back into her seat, covering her eyes with both hands and remaining silent.

"I think. . . our ending was always going to be like this. To be honest, I have really wanted to thank you over these past years. It was your appearance that changed me, that stopped me from sinking any further, and it was your companionship that taught me the warmth of love. The days I spent with you may be something I can never forget in this lifetime, but so what?" I lowered my head slowly, as if speaking to myself. "The beautiful things, the good things, the wild things, even the wrong things—I will keep them only in my memory, buried at the very deepest place in my heart. Never regret anything, because we once loved each other. What has gone will never come back. You understand that too, don’t you?"

Zhang Jiaxin lowered the hands that had been covering her eyes, while I no longer dared look at her tear-streaked face, at those blurred eyes.

"Does making one wrong step mean we have to say goodbye forever?" Zhang Jiaxin cried to me. "Yang Chen, you can’t be this cruel, do you know that? In this reality, tortured like hell, you are my only support. It is the past I shared with you, every word and deed of yours, every promise you made, whether said with a smile or with tears, that has carried me to this day. If I lose you, then I will truly have nothing left. So you can’t be this heartless. . . you can’t. . ."

I did not know how she had spent the days after our breakup, but the heart-wrenching pain had given me the illness of fearing love. Yet fate loved these mad little jokes. In despair, I met Luo Qing, a fiery-tempered girl with a meticulous heart. By now, she had already taken your place and moved in here. . .

"I’m sorry. . ." I forced a smile onto my face, because I did not want to grieve anymore, and I did not want the person before me to be sad either.

But Zhang Jiaxin suddenly rushed over and flung herself into my arms. Her tearful eyes, red-rimmed and shining, looked up at me as she cried, "Yang Chen, I love you. I will definitely love you more than that woman does! Please. . . don’t leave me!"

I could almost feel her scorching tears flowing into my heart, but I kept telling myself, over and over, that I must not hesitate again. Even for Luo Qing, even for the love I was pursuing, I could not hesitate anymore.

At last, my hand slowly settled on Zhang Jiaxin’s shoulder. Trembling, I pushed her away with force, raised my head and did not dare look at her, while bitter tears slid down from the corners of my eyes.

"I’m not leaving!" Zhang Jiaxin clung to me desperately, refusing to let go.

"Love is like a window. Only when you open it do you see how splendid the world outside can be. . . Xiao Xin, stop clinging to this. Go and open the window that belongs to you!" I shoved away Zhang Jiaxin, who was holding me tightly, rose to my feet, and walked to the counter to settle the bill and leave.