Chapter 66 Nothing More Than a Cripple

I opened my eyes. The bright light stabbed into them mercilessly. I tried to sit up, but my entire body was devoid of strength.

"Ugh..." I tried to speak, but a numb sensation paralyzed the corners of my mouth. At this moment, I felt like someone who had been robbed of the power of speech. I could only manage a slight movement of my lips, while the numbness in my throat made it impossible to utter a sound.

"Yang Chen is awake."

The voice sounded somewhat familiar. My eardrums seemed to have been damaged as well; the sound traveled into my ears accompanied by a low, rumbling noise. At the same time, a stabbing pain flared up in my head. Lying on the bed, I stared blankly and weakly at the ceiling.

"Yang Chen..." Su Xuefei's gentle voice rang beside my ear. But right now, I could only manage to turn my head slightly to look at her, unable to utter even the most basic words.

Standing before me, Su Xuefei was wrapped in a thick, light-blue cotton-padded jacket. Her beautiful eyes were somewhat swollen, and her long hair hung messily behind her, some strands matted and tangled together. Her once pristine face was flushed crimson, like an overripe apple.

I opened my mouth, yet not a single word came out. Su Xuefei crouched beside me, extending a finger to gently brush against my lips, signaling me not to speak.

My head throbbed with intense pain, as if a massive boulder was constantly crushing my skull. Wave after wave of agony caused me to grimace and close my eyes.

"Family members of the patient, please step outside for a moment. I need to check his condition." I struggled to turn my head and saw a bespectacled man in a doctor's uniform walking into the room. He pulled out a thermometer and spoke to Su Xuefei and Qin Xiaomo standing behind her.

"Sorry to trouble you." Su Xuefei's voice sounded somewhat aloof, a detachment that caused another pang of ache in my heart.

After the two women left the ward, the doctor placed the thermometer under my armpit and said something to me. To my ears, however, it sounded muffled, and I could only vaguely discern that he seemed to be asking how I felt.

I shook my head and parted my lips.

"Hmm... You can't speak? Let's do this: nod if the answer is yes, shake your head if it's no. Understood?" The doctor took out a notepad and jotted something down. I gave a slight nod.

"Do you feel there is any problem with your eyes?"

I shook my head. Staring at the glaring lights, I squinted slightly.

"Any problems with your ears?"

I nodded. Ever since I woke up, almost everything I heard sounded somewhat indistinct, as if something had been stuffed inside my ears. It didn't seem quite like normal tinnitus; when things were quiet, there appeared to be no abnormality, but the moment any sound entered my ears, it became drowned in heavy noise.

"Are there any issues with your limbs?" The doctor asked without lifting his head, writing rapidly in his notepad.

I tried to sit up, but the moment I raised myself slightly, my strength vanished, and I collapsed back onto the bed. I tried moving my legs; simple movements seemed possible, but performing even these minor tasks seemed to drain most of my remaining energy. Just trying to move them a few times left me panting for breath.

Seeing my movements, the doctor asked no more. After jotting down a few more things, he stood up, glanced at the thermometer, and said, "Thirty-nine degrees Celsius. High fever."

With that, the doctor turned and left the ward. A short while later, Su Xuefei and Qin Xiaomo returned one after another, sitting down beside me in silence, just staring at me.

"Yang Chen... I'm sorry." Su Xuefei lowered her head, her delicate white fingers twisting the hem of her clothes.

It took all my remaining strength to move my hand toward hers, which rested beside the edge of the pillow, and give it a gentle squeeze to signal that I was fine and she didn't need to worry.

"Ugh..." Seeing my somewhat stiff movements, Su Xuefei collapsed onto my chest and began to weep. Her already red and swollen eyes welled up with tears once more. At that moment, everything that had happened before felt like a surreal dream. Me—Yang Chen—actually trying to commit suicide... I had once saved Zhao Kewen, yet what on earth was I doing now?

I shifted my gaze toward Qin Xiaomo, who wore a look of utter dejection, and blinked. She seemed to understand my intent; she walked over to Su Xuefei, gently embraced her, and comforted her, "Look, isn't he fine? It was freezing out there at dozens of degrees below zero, and falling into icy water would freeze anyone stiff. It's completely normal to feel a bit numb right now. Don't worry."

Hearing Qin Xiaomo's words, Su Xuefei's spirits seemed to lift slightly. She clasped my hand in both of hers, buried her face beside my pillow, and closed her eyes. She seemed utterly exhausted, and moments later, she actually drifted off to sleep.

Qin Xiaomo sighed, glanced at me, and said, "Yang Chen, why did you have to do something so foolish?"

I gave a faint shake of my head, looked at her, and then shifted my gaze from her to Su Xuefei, blinking to convey my wish that she should take the Goddess Su back to rest.

Looking somewhat puzzled, Qin Xiaomo seemed unable to fully grasp my meaning and asked tentatively, "Are you worried about her?"

Although it wasn't the whole picture, the meaning was close enough. I nodded.

"Sigh. You have no idea, Yang Chen. The moment you jumped like that, you had no idea what happened to Feifei. She broke down crying the second she saw you... It's a miracle you've got a tough constitution. A passerby out for a jog happened to see you in the nick of time, and by pure coincidence, he was a firefighter. He pulled you out and administered emergency first aid, saving your life. When Feifei and I rushed over and saw your face frozen blue, she immediately wrapped her coat around you and kept cupping your face with her hands to warm you up... Because the hospital is right behind that pond, the few of us carried you running all the way here. She spent nearly half an hour out there in the freezing cold wearing only a thin single layer underneath."

I looked at the sleeping Su Xuefei, warmth welling up in my heart. She had stood out there freezing for half an hour in temperatures of twenty-odd degrees below zero, all for the sake of saving a cowardly wretch who couldn't face reality. Just as Qin Xiaomo had said... why go to such lengths?

"If you feel moved at all, treat Feifei well from now on," Qin Xiaomo said, reaching out to gently stroke Su Xuefei's back. "Stop pulling these stunts, Yang Chen. Isn't Feifei good enough? Do you really have to wait until the day of regret to understand all of this?"

Lying in bed, I wanted to smile, but the smile wouldn't come. I had never been worthy of her in the past, let alone now... Even though the final medical verdict wasn't out yet, a terrible premonition had already settled in my heart. My life might already be ruined. If I previously still had the right to pursue other things in life, now I didn't even dare to harbor such luxuries.

I made a phone-calling gesture toward Qin Xiaomo. Understanding my intent, she pulled a phone from her bag and placed it in my hand. I stared at my own phone in astonishment, barely believing my eyes—it had neither been lost nor dropped into the water.

"Don't look at me with that expression. We came back and bought an extended fishing net to scoop it up while you were unconscious in the hospital," Qin Xiaomo shot me an exasperated look.

Clumsily unlocking the phone, my stiff fingers struggled to type a message in the text box: "Feifei is exhausted. Take her back home." I then held it up for her to see.

"Forget it. Feifei seems to harbor a deep sense of remorse over this. I've never seen her worry about anyone like that, nor have I ever seen her cry so recklessly without a care for the world." Qin Xiaomo gazed softly at the sleeping Su Xuefei and whispered, "Yang Chen, you don't understand her."

"Take her back and tell her this had nothing to do with her. Tell her I just slipped and fell by accident," I continued to communicate via text messages.

"Yang Chen, why won't you listen?" After reading my words, Qin Xiaomo looked somewhat indignant, yet she kept her voice low. "Feifei used to go out and wander around only occasionally. Ever since she got together with you, I've noticed her change. She began to open up her inner world piece by piece, becoming more cheerful and willing to share her life with others. How can you have the heart to hurt someone like that? To be honest with you, Feifei came to me last night, and even before I opened the door, I could hear her crying outside."

I looked into Qin Xiaomo's angry yet steadfast eyes and hesitated for a moment before finally typing: "I am broken. If Feifei doesn't understand, you at least should. I was never worthy of her former self, and now you want to make her jump into a fire pit with my current self?"

Gazing at the trembling phone screen I held up, Qin Xiaomo fell silent. Finally, she gave a slow nod.

Was all of this simply reaping what I had sown? I asked myself over and over again. Earlier, I had been tormented by the agony of choice; now, I had been stripped even of the right to choose. I clutched my throbbing forehead and closed my eyes. Perhaps this was the punishment meant for someone like me—since giving brought too much pain, it was simply taken away entirely.

"Don't overthink it. All this pain is only temporary; it will get better in a few days." Qin Xiaomo seemed to have made up her mind as she reached out to gently shake the sleeping Su Xuefei awake.

"Mm..." Su Xuefei opened her eyes, looking dazed as she glanced between me and Qin Xiaomo. "What is it? What's wrong with Yang Chen?"

Listening to Goddess Su's words, an indescribable feeling welled up inside me—sorrow entwined with a bittersweet happiness.

"Let's go back and sleep. Yang Chen is fine. He just needs to rest here for the night."

"You go back, Xiaomo. I'm not leaving." Su Xuefei snapped to full alertness, shook her head, and firmly gripped the hand I had just pulled back from typing.

"Yang Chen... are you really okay?" Su Xuefei looked at me gently, her voice soft with concern.

I nodded vigorously and managed a smile for her.

"Yang Chen... why aren't you... speaking?" Su Xuefei seemed to notice my anomaly, a flicker of panic flashing through her eyes.

I grabbed the phone and typed another message to tell her: "My throat feels a bit uncomfortable. You should go back. I'll lie here for the night and be fine tomorrow. Don't worry about me. Go back, take some cold medicine, and make sure you don't catch a chill."

"Is that true?" Su Xuefei handed the phone to Qin Xiaomo, casting a suspicious glance at her conflicted expression.

Seeing Qin Xiaomo's hesitation, I cursed inwardly—I had blown it. Su Xuefei wasn't foolish; on the contrary, she was very smart, just rarely showing it on the surface.

"It's... true. Let's go back."

Jerking her hand away from Qin Xiaomo's grip, Su Xuefei snatched the phone and bolted straight out of the ward.

Left behind, I could only exchange a bitter, helpless smile with Qin Xiaomo.

Goddess Su... why... must you insist on placing all this sorrow right before your eyes?