Chapter Twenty-Eight: Hide the Pain in Your Heart

I watched Su Xuefei’s adorable expression with a sense of helplessness and muttered to myself.

"I’m not cute, I’m the cold and aloof type." Su Xuefei’s face flushed when she heard me, and she ran to my side. "Are you going to give it to me or not?"

I shook my head, leaned against the stone pillar beside the shop, and looked up at the sky, blowing out a cloud of smoke.

Seeing that I was determined not to give her a cigarette, Su Xuefei stopped insisting. She mimicked my posture, leaning against the pillar beside me, and gazed at the gray, overcast sky. "Why do you think people need love to survive? Wouldn't it be better to be carefree like these clouds?"

I took a drag of my cigarette and stole a glance at the Goddess standing beside me, lost in thought. A lock of her long hair rested on her shoulder and fell toward her waist, and her snow-white down jacket shimmered softly in the light. At times, she truly looked like an ethereal fairy, untouched by the mundane world.

"What kind of foolish talk is that? How could people live without love?" I smiled and looked up again. "A person without love would become the most miserable soul in this world—no one to cherish them, no one to care for them, just wandering alone in this dreary world until they quietly fade away..."

"But doesn't it hurt?" Su Xuefei looked at me and reached out to gently touch my chest.

Watching her bewildered expression, I stubbed out my cigarette and said softly, "It hurts, of course it hurts... But even if it hurts, it’s worth pursuing. Because once you’ve experienced it, you’ll never forget it. That’s why everyone says love is a poison—once you touch it, you’re hooked."

Seeing the continued confusion in her eyes, I asked, "Have you never loved anyone?"

Su Xuefei looked a bit dejected. She shook her head, pulled her hand away from my chest, and said in a melancholy tone, "I’ve never known what love is. No one has ever loved me, and I haven't loved anyone."

"Nonsense. There are plenty of people who love you. Back in high school, at least a whole class full of them, wouldn't you say?" I chuckled and started walking toward the street.

"Is that what love is?" Su Xuefei trotted to catch up with me.

I paused, turning to look at the Goddess who seemed so earnest. I couldn't help but think: *No way, she actually took that obvious joke seriously?*

I gave a bitter smile and pretended to be disappointed. "If you say you don't even know the taste of love, how can you claim we’re a couple?"

Su Xuefei finally caught up and walked by my side, whispering, "It's precisely because I don't know that I want to find out."

"Then just pick anyone. Why does it have to be me? Is it really just because I’m handsome?" At the intersection, I stopped and blocked Su Xuefei, who hadn't been paying attention to the traffic.

"Because... well... because..." Su Xuefei struggled for a long time without coming up with an answer. I hurriedly cut her off. "Don't 'because' anymore, or the red light will be over."

I took her small hand and hurried across the street. "Go take a taxi and pick up Xiaoya. Since you kept me company, I’ll treat you both to a big meal."

"Alright, but you aren't allowed to run off!" Su Xuefei took out her phone and waved it at me. "We'll stay in touch by phone. If you run away, I’ll get lost, and then..."

"And then you'll be snatched away by bad guys?" I teased her with a smile.

Who would have thought Su Xuefei would nod with complete seriousness: "I’ll be snatched away by bad guys."

I sent the Goddess off in a taxi, feeling a mix of amusement and sorrow. I walked alone down the street, which felt heavy with melancholy. Facing the sparse snowflakes and stepping on the thin layer of snow, I headed toward a destination I didn't even know myself.

Is this how it ends?

I asked myself over and over, is this the definitive end? All the memories... just memories.

I lit another cigarette and walked lonely through the bustling street, looking at the city that had frozen over all my emotions.

Without realizing it, I ended up on a pedestrian overpass. Leaning against the railing, I looked down at the pedestrians below, thinking of the lyrics from *To Live*, gazing at the little ants beneath me...

I tucked the finished cigarette butt into my pocket. I had no idea where I was headed next. A cold drink shop? Don't make me laugh.

I am a total failure in this city. My youth, my love—all of it was lost in the darkest corners of Yichun, withered and yellowed, eventually vanishing into thin air.

In the end, the most terrifying thing in this world is a lie. A single sentence can kill a person and bury every budding ideal of someone who once yearned for love.

A cold gust of wind blew, and I hunched my shoulders. It's so cold...

My phone rang. I looked at the screen, which displayed "Goddess Su," and remained unmoved.

Having lost Luo Qing, I felt as if I had lost every reason to stay in this city. Back when I was singing at the Fenghua Bar, I lived for the sake of living. Then I met her, and I lived in pursuit of love. Later, as we grew to know each other, I worked hard to give her a better life... Now that the music has ended and the people are scattered, what do I have left?

I let my phone play the familiar song *Elopement* over and over, but I lacked the courage to answer. Yes, I was a coward. I was afraid of losing, but even more afraid of shrinking into a dark corner to cry under the spotlight.

I walked down the overpass, the phone still ringing endlessly. Finally, I picked it up. I don't know why, but I felt that if I just ignored her, Su Xuefei wouldn't let it go. This inexplicable thought left me confused. Was this my most intuitive understanding of her after spending a day and a half together?

"Hello?"

There was a moment of silence on the other end after she heard my voice, and then I heard the Goddess’s familiar, cool tone: "Where are you?"

"Why are you so persistent?" I sighed and pulled out a cigarette.

"Where are you?" Su Xuefei’s tone held no impatience; it remained calm. This actually made me feel a bit embarrassed, as if I were about to break some important promise.

"I’m at..." I glanced at the surrounding landmarks. "Under the east side overpass."

"Oh, Xiaoya and I are coming to find you." Su Xuefei hung up. I couldn't just break my word and leave, so I found a quiet spot and waited for them to arrive.

I pulled out my wallet; there was only a little over a hundred yuan left in scattered bills. I lit the cigarette hanging from my lip, took a drag, and sighed.

About ten minutes later, a taxi pulled up, and two beauties—one big, one small—stepped out. Naturally, it was Su Xuefei and Li Xiaoya.

I gave Su Xuefei an apologetic smile. "What do you want to eat? I can't afford anything too expensive!"

"Brother, you're such a bad person!" Before Su Xuefei could speak, little Li Xiaoya chimed in to tease me.

I looked at the cute, doll-faced Li Xiaoya in confusion, crouched down, and pinched her chubby cheek. "How am I a bad person? Has your Goddess sister been bad-mouthing me behind my back again?"

Li Xiaoya was about to reply, but Su Xuefei pulled her hand, and she fell silent.

"Children speak the truth, don't worry about it!"

"Don't worry about it, my foot! Xiaoya, be a good girl, let's go get something delicious!" Su Xuefei pulled Li Xiaoya along and headed toward a nearby restaurant without even looking at me.

I was left crouching there, dumbfounded, watching the two beauties walk away... Damn, did she really say something truly awful? Was it worth running away like that?

"Hey!" Su Xuefei’s lovely voice drifted back from afar. I looked up at her quickly. "What are you thinking about? You don't have a shred of sincerity if you're going to treat us to dinner like this!"

The three of us eventually decided to have a simple meal and chose a California Beef Noodle shop... In truth, that was mostly my choice. Su Xuefei didn't seem to care what she ate as long as it was food, and as for Li Xiaoya, she had no say in the matter when I was around.

We ordered three bowls of beef noodles. I watched the ashtray on the table in silence, then glanced at the Goddess sitting across from me, who seemed bored and was fiddling with a wooden splinter on the edge of the table. I secretly pulled out a cigarette.

"Stop."

The sudden command startled me. I looked up and met Su Xuefei’s dissatisfied gaze. I gave a sheepish smile. "Smoking is allowed in this shop, it's fine. Why else would there be an ashtray?"

"Then give me one." Having learned from my instructions, she mimicked the gesture for a cigarette with her fingers.

I was defeated by her move. I rubbed my head in frustration, put the cigarette back in the pack, and muttered, "Can't you learn something better!"

Su Xuefei stuck her tongue out at me and sat quietly in her chair, watching me without saying a word.

Her gaze made me feel uneasy, so I quickly tried to change the subject. "Goddess Su, you didn't date anyone during your four years of college? I don't believe it. You’re so beautiful, there must have been a sea of people chasing you, right? Could none of them catch your eye?"

"No one ever chased me," Su Xuefei thought for a moment before answering, her eyes still fixed on mine.

"That’s impossible! I’m a complete loser with nothing to my name right now, so there's no point in lying to me." I could barely believe she hadn't dated, but that no one had chased her? That was unscientific! Even though her aura as a Goddess was intimidating and most boys would feel inferior and back away, college was a melting pot. There were all kinds of thick-skinned people. Forget a Goddess; even if a pop star showed up, someone would dare to pursue her!

"What kind of behavior counts as 'chasing'?" Su Xuefei asked, looking puzzled.

"It means... well... like the way I behaved before, that was me chasing you."

"Oh." Su Xuefei looked out the window, as if she were really trying hard to recall her college life. After half a minute, she spoke again. "If that’s the case, then truly, no one has chased me besides you."

I nearly tripped and fell out of my chair. Such a perfect woman, and no one chased her? This defied all logic!

"Whenever I saw how they acted, I found it so boring. Either they’d come over and say something inexplicable, or they’d run away with red faces, or they’d have a mischievous smirk... I didn't want to deal with any of it," Su Xuefei said quietly, while seemingly watching my expression out of the corner of her eye.