Chapter 7

It was unexpected that Song Xingyue would be so difficult to handle today. One had to wonder what had gotten into her; her retorts were unusually sharp and biting.

The woman was about to argue back when a series of greetings echoed from the entrance. It was Jingxi, accompanied by the other women of the Xie family. The lady swallowed her words instantly. Everyone knew that the relationship between Song Xingyue and Xie Linxu was strained, and the Xie family held their own daughter-in-law in low regard. However, Jingxi was different. If she were present and heard them gossiping about the Xie family, she would surely be displeased. Offending anyone was preferable to offending Jingxi, who had a doting elder brother in the Emperor; they truly could not afford to cross the Xie family.

Jingxi arrived with Madam Li and took her seat among the Xie family. No one dared mention the earlier incident again, instead smoothing things over with forced laughter. Yet, Jingxi immediately sensed the peculiar atmosphere. She looked at Song Xingyue and asked, "Were you having unpleasant words with them again?"

Song Xingyue simply denied it, and Jingxi could not press the matter further as Madam Li and the others pulled her into conversation.

*

Meanwhile, Xie Linxu sought out the Grand Tutor Li in the main hall. It being a special day, the old tutor was dressed in his first-rank official robes, seated in a grand master’s chair. The noise outside was too much for his elderly constitution, so he stayed inside to receive a steady stream of guests offering birthday wishes. The younger generation of the Li family had already paid their respects earlier, and the outside guests usually hurried in for a quick greeting before being whisked away. When Xie Linxu arrived, the room happened to be empty.

Upon entering, Xie Linxu knelt before the Tutor, bowed his head, and offered his congratulations: "Your student is late. May you enjoy the longevity of the pine and crane, the fragrance of orchids and laurel, and may your blessings be as vast as the sea and your wisdom long revered."

The Tutor stood up to personally help him rise. "Get up, get up. You offer such a grand gesture the moment you arrive, forcing an old man like me to help you up."

Seeing the Tutor move to assist him, Xie Linxu dared not remain on his knees any longer. After rising, he supported the Tutor back to his seat.

"I know you have been busy at the Hanlin Academy," Grand Tutor Li remarked. "It is kind of you to take leave just to come here today."

"It is only what a student should do," Xie Linxu replied.

The Tutor then asked, "I heard you were in the palace recently. Did you see His Majesty?"

The Emperor had suspended court for nearly half a month. Aside from those in the Directorate of Ceremonial, not even the Grand Secretariat could see him. What could this mean?

Xie Linxu murmured an acknowledgment and added, "His Majesty should be emerging soon."

"How can you be so sure?" the Tutor asked, puzzled.

Xie Linxu lowered his gaze. "The war in the Northern Territories is drawing to a close. Young General Ji is returning."

Serving in the Hanlin Academy, he was well-informed, often learning of news before it was made public. Upon hearing that the war was ending, Grand Tutor Li understood the implication. He said nothing more, merely stroking his thin white beard, and sighed: "Young General Ji is truly capable. In just over two years, he has brought stability to the Northern Territories."

Xie Linxu remained impassive, though he echoed the praise. "A tiger father has no dog for a son. General Ji was a dragon among men when he led his troops, and this stabilization of the North by the young general is truly a case of a son inheriting his father’s legacy."

The Tutor, missing the nuance in Xie Linxu’s tone, had his own realization. His eyes flickered as he asked, "If the war in the North is over, the military expenditure will be freed up. When His Majesty emerges, could he still be thinking of building that Taoist temple?"

Around the beginning of the seventh month, the Jingning Emperor had proposed building a Taoist temple within the palace. The Minister of Revenue had crunched the numbers, implying that the national treasury was depleted and there was no surplus for such vanity. The Emperor had been displeased but, faced with the ledger, had no grounds for argument. In a fit of pique, he used poor health as an excuse to suspend court for nearly a month. If the war expenses were now saved, would that not provide a massive sum of idle money?

Thinking of the Jingning Emperor, the Tutor sighed deeply. "His Majesty... His Majesty... tell me, why, in his later years, has he begun to favor alchemists and practice the refining of elixirs? Countless emperors throughout history have obsessed over the elixir of immortality; which one ever saw their wish fulfilled? Is this not madness?"

*

"It is a day of celebration, Teacher. Do not let yourself be angered," Xie Linxu urged.

There was no point in discussing it now. The man was, after all, the Emperor. No matter his failings, he was still the Sovereign. It would be a waste to ruin such a good day over these frustrations.

The two exchanged a few more casual remarks and then, judging that the time was right, Xie Linxu helped the old tutor up to join the banquet outside.

The Li residence did not quiet down until evening. As families departed one by one, the Xie family were the last to leave. After Jingxi and the others finished their pleasantries and departed, Xie Linxu was detained by the Li family for a while longer. Song Xingyue, having followed him since the banquet ended, remained by his side throughout.

Seeing that Xie Linxu had matters to discuss with the Li family, Song Xingyue did not want to linger. Making an excuse of feeling stuffy and needing air, she tactfully waited under the gallery outside.

Before the Li family’s main hall was a small ink-colored pond, where a few lotus flowers drifted. Song Xingyue watched the pond to pass the time, the sound of the Li family’s laughter and Xie Linxu’s voice drifting to her ears from time to time. Xie Linxu never wore such a smile in her presence; even when she heard him laugh, it was usually laced with sarcasm.

He was so happy.

He was so happy at the Li house.

Beside her, he was always so somber and lifeless.

She picked at her fingers, killing time. It was nearly dark when Xie Linxu finally emerged. Li Huaiqin came out to see him off, and the three walked toward the gate of the Li residence.

After a few steps, Xie Linxu stopped her. "The weather is hot, you should head back first."

Li Huaiqin did not insist on accompanying them further. "Very well. Travel safely."

Xie Linxu bade farewell to Li Huaiqin, while Song Xingyue, head bowed, said nothing. Li Huaiqin glanced at her and said, "Do not take what they said today to heart. Your dress is lovely. It was merely my attire that was ill-suited for the occasion, causing this unfortunate clash."

Song Xingyue finally reacted, looking up to meet her eyes. "It was my fault. It has nothing to do with you, Miss Li."

Li Huaiqin said no more, smiled, and left.

The sky was dim, and the lanterns had been lit in the Li mansion. The two walked out into the moonlight. Xie Linxu did not know what had transpired earlier, but from those few brief words, he sensed something. "What happened just now?"

Song Xingyue knew that if she told him, he would only mock her. He would certainly say, "Didn't I tell you to behave yourself?" If she spoke, he would only lecture her. So, she did not want to tell him.

For the first time in a rare display of open defiance, she lowered her eyes and said, "Nothing happened. Don't ask. Let's go home."

The night sky was pitch black, and Song Xingyue felt as if she could find no exit from this suffocating darkness. The life she had lived in the Xie household for the past two years was like this dress—no matter how hard she tried to make it look right, it remained wretched in the end.

The harder she tried, the more bitter it felt. She had married into a noble house, only to end up without even a decent set of clothes. She even began to wonder if choosing a different path might have been easier.

Xie Linxu could not clearly see her expression, and as she had already stepped forward, he simply followed.

*

By the time they reached the carriage, Song Xingyue remained silent. She did not sit beside Xie Linxu today; instead, she sat on the opposite side, resting her head against the window frame, lifting the curtain to watch the night scenery without a word.

It was not yet curfew, and the streets were still busy with people, looking lively and warm. Song Xingyue thought of the grievances she had suffered one after another these past few days, and as she watched, she began to weep, her face soon streaked with tears.

Xie Linxu faintly heard her sobbing and finally spoke. "I have told you many times: do not engage in these petty rivalries."

Why did she have to dress so beautifully and provocatively for someone else's birthday?

Song Xingyue knew he would say that!

His words drifted to her ears, and she could no longer bear his moralizing. She turned around and asked, "Changzhou, tell me—what exactly have I been fighting for?"

A small lamp burned in the carriage, casting a pale light on her face. Tears slid down her cheeks, glistening under the candlelight.

Seeing her cry so intensely, Xie Linxu was momentarily speechless. "Then why are you crying?"

Song Xingyue, hearing his retort, said word by word, "I just don't understand. I only wanted to wear something decent and pretty. Why is it so wretched in your eyes? Can others wear such clothes, but I cannot? Just because I wore a clean, new outfit for one day, you all spent the entire day mocking me. If that is the case, I will never do so again."

Having said her piece, and fearing he would argue back, she gave him no chance to respond. She turned back to the window, burying her face in her arms. She was crying in agony, determined to ignore him no matter what he said.

Xie Linxu was silent for a while, as if he had nothing more to say. Song Xingyue thought he was annoyed by her and would ignore her. But then, Xie Linxu sat beside her and turned her shoulders toward him.

"It is a small matter," he said. "Why cry like this? If others heard, they would think I had hit you or something."

Was it a small matter? Did he know how many such "small matters" she had suffered over these two years?

Seeing him speak this way, her reason returned, and she dared not continue the scene. With red-rimmed eyes, she said, "It would be more straightforward if you just hit me."

"Nonsense." Xie Linxu spoke the word and handed her a handkerchief to wipe her tears. "If you want to wear new clothes, you should choose your time. Why pick a day like this?"

Song Xingyue felt he was still wrong. It was precisely because they went to the Li house today that he assumed everything she did was aimed at Li Huaiqin. It had little to do with the occasion itself.

But Song Xingyue did not argue this. Comparing herself to Li Huaiqin was too humiliating. They had been married for only two years, while he and Li Huaiqin had a history spanning so much longer.

She wiped her tears with the handkerchief, sobbing, "Mother does not like me; you know this. I do not want to talk to you about these things, because I have my own pride. But think for yourself—in these two years, have I ever had a decent piece of clothing? Not to mention the dated, old-fashioned styles, the winter clothes are not warm, and the summer clothes do not breathe. I only wanted one set of decent clothes to make myself look a little better. You think of me too poorly—far too poorly."

Xie Linxu was uncharacteristically silent, offering no ridicule.

Having said these words, Song Xingyue felt the pressure in her chest ease slightly. To keep the atmosphere from becoming too awkward, she let out a tearful laugh and teased, "Why, Changzhou? Does my beauty make you think these clothes aren't so ugly after all?"

Perhaps because Song Xingyue was crying so heartbreakingly, Xie Linxu did not utter any more harsh words. He remained silent for a long time, and only after a while did he say, "Alright, stop crying. I understand now."