Chapter 10

Song Xingyue’s heart skipped a beat, but she quickly thought of an excuse. She said, “Back when my grandmother was alive, she also loved to read Buddhist scriptures. This sutra was obtained by chance during a visit to a temple, from an elderly abbot. It was quite a fateful encounter…”

Xie Linxu interrupted her rambling, his thin lips parting slightly. “I don’t want to hear it anymore. I’m tired.”

The lies she and others told to deceive him were hardly worth listening to.

He had heard too many lies from her and no longer wished to listen.

Song Xingyue didn’t continue. She said, “Very well. There’s nothing more to say. You’ve had a long day. Go inside, cleanse yourself, and get some rest.”

Xie Linxu turned and left for the inner room.

Seeing him leave, Song Xingyue finally breathed a sigh of relief.

She knew that his words tonight weren’t out of concern for her.

He was merely afraid she would bring shame to the Xie family. Moreover, he was a man bound by rules, and her past deeds were all too improper.

Back then, she had wholeheartedly believed she could marry Ji Jianyun, leaving no room for herself. Her entire heart and soul were tied to him. But in the end, the young general who once promised a lifetime together abandoned her.

After he left, Song Xingyue wept for him two days, and for herself two days—four days in total—before she let him go and accepted his departure.

Since then, no one had treated her as kindly as Ji Jianyun once did, and she had only herself to rely on.

She did not dwell on this further. She stepped out to ask Shou Yuan, only to learn that Xie Linxu had already dined at the Prime Minister’s residence.

She said nothing and had the cold food reheated and eaten.

Xie Linxu was particular; normally, if dishes cooled under the ice cabinet, they would be reheated. But she was too hungry, her head spinning from a day of copying sutras, with no energy to fuss over the temperature of the food. She just ate a few bites to fill her stomach.

After a while, she had the servants bring out fresh dishes again.

From outside, peeking through the window crack, Shou Yuan could see Song Xingyue sitting alone, holding a bowl and eating the long-cold food before her.

It was clear she was in a foul mood, stuffing mouthfuls of food in but mumbling as if unable to swallow.

Indeed, cold food is hard to swallow.

These days were vexing beyond measure.

Shou Yuan stopped watching, looked up at the sky, and sighed.

After cleansing himself inside, Xie Linxu came out again and headed toward the main room, where he found Song Xingyue having her supper.

She was too preoccupied with chewing to notice him, but seeing him freshly cleansed yet neatly dressed, she wondered where he was going.

She mumbled, “Changzhou, where are you headed?”

Xie Linxu’s expression was unreadable. He countered, “Why haven’t you eaten dinner yet?”

Song Xingyue didn’t say she was waiting for him. Last time she waited, he said it was unnecessary.

She made a casual excuse, “I just forgot while copying sutras. You haven’t said where you’re going.”

“I’m going to the study,” he said, then left before she could respond.

Watching his resolute, indifferent back, Song Xingyue’s words stuck in her throat. She could only chew and swallow her food silently.

*

After entering August, the sky began to drizzle. The rain was light but persistent and irritating.

Huang Xiangtang used the slippery roads as an excuse to skip paying respects these days. Jing Xi knew her nature and didn’t bother to argue.

Song Xingyue continued her daily visits to Jing Xi, unchanged for ten years. Since Emperor Jingning ceased feigning illness and resumed early court sessions, Xie Linxu no longer had time to see her. He had to attend court at dawn and couldn’t visit Rongming Hall. Xie Linfu was busy preparing for the autumn imperial exams and didn’t come, and Xie Jingfei was even less frequent, only occasionally seen by Song Xingyue.

Gradually, Rongming Hall was left with only Song Xingyue.

The continuous rain made Jing Xi lazier, waking later each day. Song Xingyue often had to wait a long while before Jing Xi would come out.

The hall was quiet and lacked visitors. Jing Xi, unwilling to engage in long conversations, would just exchange brief greetings and send Song Xingyue away.

Since Xie Linxu ignored her, Song Xingyue, with idle time, went to the old Madam Xie’s residence to deliver the Buddhist sutra.

Around dusk, the steady rain ceased. Song Xingyue carried the hand-copied Lotus Sutra.

After days of rain, the air was thick with dust. The roads were half-dry, patches of wetness still visible.

When she arrived, the old Madam Xie knelt before the hall, holding prayer beads, reciting sutras.

Song Xingyue knew it was not the time to disturb her, so she waited outside silently.

After some time, roughly the length of a cup of tea, the old Madam Xie rose.

A senior attendant approached and said, “The Young Master’s wife is here, waiting for you outside.”

The old Madam Xie’s brows twitched briefly but quickly settled. She asked, “How long has she been waiting?”

“Not long. You were halfway through your recitation when she arrived.”

The old Madam Xie came out herself and saw Song Xingyue standing under the corridor, dressed in a moon-white brocade skirt.

New clothes.

Jade must be polished to become a gem; a person must adorn themselves to show nobility. Changing out of those rustic clothes, she truly looked brighter than before.

Such a lovely child, it was a pity to dress her in those earthy garments.

The old Madam Xie said, “Child, come in.”

Song Xingyue had been distracted; she hadn’t noticed the old Madam Xie standing there for quite some time. Upon hearing her call, she responded quickly.

The two entered the main hall, and Song Xingyue handed her the sutra.

“Grandmother, I know you enjoy chanting sutras, so I took some time to copy this one for you. Please take a look.”

The old Madam Xie took it and, by candlelight, carefully read the characters.

After a long time, her expression grew serious.

She looked up and asked, “This book is rare. Where did you find the original?”

Song Xingyue replied, “My grandmother also loved chanting sutras. My sister and I grew up by her side. She liked sutras, and I found this one by chance. If you like it, I’m glad. But I fear you might not.”

The old Madam Xie chuckled, “Things made with sincerity are always liked. Then I shall keep it. The timing is right—stay and have dinner with me.”

Song Xingyue didn’t refuse and dined with the old Madam Xie.

After dinner, the old Madam Xie kept her for some casual talk.

Mention of the old Madam Xie reminded Song Xingyue of her own deceased grandmother, making her feel more at ease. They spoke until nightfall, and seeing it was late, Song Xingyue took her leave for Qinghe Courtyard.

Upon returning, she asked the servants and learned that Xie Linxu had already come back.

“Where is the Young Master now?” she asked.

“In the study,” the servant replied.

Song Xingyue pursed her lips silently for a moment. The servant went on, “The Young Master hasn’t eaten dinner yet. He went straight to the study.”

“He hasn’t eaten dinner?”

“Yes. When he returned, he said he wasn’t hungry and went directly to the study.”

Song Xingyue’s eyes flickered with a plan. Xie Linxu had been staying in the study these days. Whether truly busy or feigning it, she dared not disturb him much. But if he hadn’t eaten yet, she had an excuse to seek him out.

She had the servants prepare fresh dishes and carried the food box to the study.

When she returned from old Madam Xie’s, the rain had started again, droplets gathering and falling from the eaves with a soft drip on the ground.

Song Xingyue followed the corridor toward the study.

It wasn’t too late, though she wasn’t sure if Xie Linxu was still busy.

Danping followed behind, muttering, “Miss hasn’t eaten, and the Young Master hasn’t even asked after her. He hasn’t eaten either, so you’re rushing to bring him food. He’s been staying in the study all this time but never once asked about you or thought of where you were…”

That morning, when she brought breakfast, she overheard the kitchen maids and elders gossiping about Song Xingyue.

They said Xie Linxu despised her, that she was only a pretty face but couldn’t bear children, and would be cast aside eventually.

The household was full of opportunists who never thought highly of Song Xingyue. Now that the two men were at odds, their tongues grew even more merciless.

Danping confronted them but was threatened that if she caused a scene, it would only make things difficult for their Miss.

Though harsh, the words made sense. Fearing trouble for Song Xingyue, Danping dropped the matter.

Life in the Duke’s mansion was hard for Song Xingyue. Recently, if not for the Young Master finally noticing that his concubine’s clothes looked like those of an old woman, the young lady might have remained dressed in ugly garments much longer.

At eighteen, a girl naturally loved to dress prettily, but even after wearing new clothes made by the Young Master’s order, Song Xingyue wasn’t much happier.

Danping couldn’t help but recall when the young general Ji was still by her side. Back then, the young lady hadn’t suffered such grievances; the general doted on her as if she were a treasure, never cold or harsh.

Thinking of this, Danping said, “I heard the young general arrived in the capital just two days ago with great fanfare. The streets are lively again…”

Ji Jianyun had indeed arrived two days earlier, with a grand procession, and the joyous sounds could be heard even within the deep courtyard where Song Xingyue stayed.

Before Danping finished, Song Xingyue covered her mouth, saying, “Danping, walls have ears. Whether it’s slandering the Young Master or gossiping about him, no more of that.”

Danping’s eyes widened but she swallowed the rest of her words and nodded, signaling she wouldn’t speak recklessly again. Song Xingyue finally released her hold.

Song Xingyue said, “They say being a wife is hard, being a woman is hard, but don’t you know the standing of the Song family? The standing of the Xie family? Even if I’m not a wife or a woman, just being here lacks dignity.”

She didn’t care how others inside or outside the mansion viewed her; it was obvious. Without a proper family or respectable household, she was always inferior. If she wanted to live well, she had to placate Xie Linxu.

Unless one day she could no longer endure it and decided to part ways—that would be another matter.

The two of them couldn’t keep arguing about this endlessly; otherwise, the food would get cold, and Xie Linxu’s sharp tongue would flare again.

At the study’s door, a young servant was on guard. Seeing Song Xingyue, he bowed and went inside to deliver the message.

Shortly, he returned, stepped aside, and gestured for her to enter. “Madam, please.”

The study was bright, the golden incense burner exhaling a faint haze. The bookshelves carved from yellow rosewood stood orderly. Near the plum-shadowed window, a porcelain vase held a few lotus leaves askew. A large jade screen stood inside, candlelight flickering, casting Xie Linxu’s silhouette.

He sat at a rosewood desk handling official business. The candlelight projected his side profile onto the jade screen. Clad in a green robe and jade belt, his figure was majestic and upright, as always graceful and handsome.

Hearing the sound, Xie Linxu glanced briefly toward the door, then refocused on his work.

Song Xingyue told Shou Yuan, who stood by to serve, “You may leave. I’ll handle this.”

Shou Yuan glanced at Xie Linxu. Seeing no objection, he quietly slipped out and thoughtfully closed the door behind them.

Song Xingyue sat at an empty side table, opened the food box, and called softly, “Changzhou, I heard from the servants that you haven’t eaten dinner yet. I had them prepare it again. It’s getting late; you should eat something.”

Xie Linxu finally responded, folding back his wide sleeve and placing his still-damp brush on the stand.

He rose, washed his hands nearby, then returned to the desk. Looking at the meal, he said faintly, “You could have just sent someone next time.”

His tone was flat and indifferent, as usual.

It didn’t sound angry, yet it wasn’t pleased either.

Song Xingyue handed him the chopsticks and replied, “Since you’re alone in your room, I couldn’t just stand by. Thinking you hadn’t eaten, I couldn’t help but bring some food.”

Xie Linxu took the chopsticks without responding.

Song Xingyue cautiously asked, “Have you been very busy these days? Staying in the study all the time?”

She wondered if he was still sulking over the last matter.

But he shouldn’t be—so much time had passed.

Besides, hadn’t he also arranged a marriage for himself? She had never said anything against him.

Still, she dared not say more.

Without her, they might have long since been united. She was hardly the one to complain.

She looked at him carefully, afraid to upset him.

Xie Linxu’s gaze made her feel unexpectedly blocked. He averted his eyes without a word.

Seeing his silence, she was at a loss. Any further chatter would be shut down by his demeanor. But she was not easily discouraged. After a brief silence, she found another topic.

She crossed her hands, half leaning on the desk, and looked at him. “Changzhou, the Mid-Autumn Festival is just a few days away. The streets will be lively—lanterns, street performances, riddles, music, poetry contests… It’s very festive. Will you have time? Shall we go to the street together?”

What was she saying? Xie Linxu was no child; her words sounded like she was coaxing an eight-year-old.

He was speechless, his mouth twitching. He was about to tell her to stop being foolish, but when he looked into her clear eyes, he strangely fell silent.

Perhaps the candlelight in the study made her eyes shine brightly.

She truly had a pair of captivating eyes—the upturned fox-like eyes that smiled with affection for anyone.

Seeing him look without speaking, Song Xingyue thought he might be interested and persisted, “Changzhou, you don’t know, when I was with my sister in the Song family, we loved to go to lantern fairs. Every New Year’s Eve was lively. She liked to join in. Once, the crowd was so thick I nearly lost her. When we got home, grandmother scolded me half to death…”

Her story grew more absurd and off-topic.

Realizing she’d gone off track, she stopped talking.

Looking at Xie Linxu, silent for so long, she pleaded, “Changzhou, just once, please. You’re busy with business, but I can help you. Just spare one evening to accompany me.”

Xie Linxu knew he shouldn’t agree.

She was good at reading people, and if he gave in once, she’d keep acting spoiled. What kind of example was that? She had no manners, and if he indulged her, she’d become even less proper.

But even he rarely found himself at a loss for words. Seeing her earnestness, even knowing it wasn’t entirely genuine, he couldn’t say no.

A long, deep sigh seemed to escape from his heart. Coldly, he uttered, “Hmm,” agreeing to her request.

Unexpectedly, he really agreed. Song Xingyue was overjoyed. She had only meant to coax him a little, not expecting success.

She asked happily, “Alang, you’re not lying to me, are you?”

By then, Xie Linxu had finished his meal. He put down his chopsticks, furrowed his brow, and looked at her.

“It’s a trivial matter. No need to be so delighted. What’s the difference between you and a child?”

Xie Linxu had lived strictly by rules all his life. The one thing he broke was marrying Song Xingyue.

From a prestigious family, bound by countless rules, he was the heir apparent and had to uphold them.

The dynasty valued civil officials over military, emphasizing virtue above all. Xie Linxu served in the Hanlin Academy for three years and now held the position of imperial lecturer, steeped in countless doctrines.

Song Xingyue had been with him two years and was tired of hearing the same words.

She invited his scolding, but her bright eyes remained undimmed. “You finally agreed once. How could I not be happy? A child can’t hide their joy, and neither can I. You say I’m like a child—I accept it.”

Xie Linxu said her words were nonsense and returned to his desk. “If I agreed, I won’t regret it. You don’t have to help me; you’ll only cause more trouble.”

His words were harsh.

Song Xingyue wasn’t afraid of his reprimands.

After all, she was used to his scolding—whether while copying the Woman’s Precepts or reading the Three Bonds and Five Constants, those books had already berated her many times.

But these belittling words hurt more.

Did she truly know nothing? Just because he was skilled at handling affairs didn’t mean she couldn’t grind ink or organize books.

She kept her grievances inside, showing no expression.

After tidying the food box, she stayed, sitting nearby as if waiting to leave together.

Xie Linxu’s gaze remained fixed on his work. Even the usually capable scholar found his mind wandering. Holding his brush, he tried to write something, but after rounds of effort, only managed to write the two characters “Mid-Autumn.”

Suddenly, he caught himself making a mistake.

He hurriedly circled the characters until the ink smudged them beyond recognition, then finally stopped.