Chapter 26: Advance, Second Son of the Fang Household! (Part II Continued)

Li Tai was dumbfounded, his finger trembling as he pointed at Fang Jun. "You... you... how dare you strike someone?"

Fang Jun looked the picture of innocence, spreading his hands wide. "Your Highness, you heard it yourself. Censor Liu personally asked me to hit him. To be honest, in all my years, I’ve never met such a pathetic person; it’s simply unbelievable. I was just double-checking with you, Your Highness, for fear I’d misheard. Fortunately, you heard it too. If Censor Liu submits a formal complaint against me, you must bear witness for me..."

Li Tai roared, "Censor Liu was telling you to try hitting him, not actually telling you to hit him!"

Fang Jun wore a look of pure, naive confusion, asking curiously, "That’s right, Your Highness is correct. Censor Liu asked me to try hitting him once. I thought to myself, Censor Liu is a man of advanced years and great virtue, an elder, how could I refuse a request from an elder? So, I had no choice but to try hitting him once. I didn’t hit him a second time, so why is Your Highness so angry?"

The onlookers, who had been left wide-eyed by the lightning-fast, thunderous blow Fang Jun had just landed, were now left with their jaws nearly hitting the floor by his shameless logic.

Was such a thing even possible?

Yet, upon reflection, it was indeed Liu Lei who had said, "Try hitting me once." It wasn't Fang Jun's fault; he had simply fulfilled Liu Lei’s request. You ask me to hit you, so I hit you—can you really blame me for it afterward?

"Sophistry! This is absolutely preposterous!"

Prince of Wei, Li Tai, was so furious he could practically see smoke rising from his nostrils. To have someone struck in his own presence—how could the notoriously overbearing Li Tai possibly tolerate this? If he just let it slide, he might as well retire from society.

Fang Jun continued to play the innocent. "But it was clearly Censor Liu who asked me to hit him. Your Highness, you said yourself that you heard it..."

The Prince of Wei was truly on the verge of exploding. He didn't care if Fang Jun was genuinely dim-witted or just acting. He bellowed, "Lawless! Utterly lawless! You strike someone and then claim you're in the right? You dare to lay hands on a dignified Investigating Censor—do you want to hit me next?"

Unexpectedly, Fang Jun squinted, flashed his white teeth again, and asked with a foolish grin, "Is that true, Your Highness?"

Li Tai was so angry he nearly lost his mind, blurting out, "True... the hell it's true!"

Fortunately, he reacted quickly. Had he said "true," there was a real chance this maniac might actually rush forward to beat him, then follow up with an innocent, "But Your Highness, you told me to hit you..."

If he were to be beaten by this blockhead, he might as well be dead.

The onlookers wore strange expressions, wanting to laugh but fearing to, stifling their mirth. They thought to themselves that every evildoer has their match; Fang Jun’s reckless, unbothered behavior had truly cowed the Prince of Wei. It was deeply satisfying.

Li Tai truly didn't know what to say. Liu Lei had indeed said "try hitting me," but that was just angry rhetoric, a sarcastic remark—how could it be interpreted as a literal request? Yet Fang Jun had taken it as a literal request and dutifully complied.

Li Tai felt that if he stayed here any longer, he might actually go insane. This Fang Er was simply unreasonable. How could his Imperial Father possibly intend to betroth Princess Gaoyang to this fool? He wasn't worthy!

Trembling with rage, Li Tai glared at the seemingly dim-witted Fang Jun for a long while. Unable to tell if the man was a genuine fool or just pretending, he could only flick his sleeves in frustration, curse under his breath, and lead his retinue away.

There would be no more drinking tonight; the anger had killed his appetite entirely.

***

No one paid any mind to Liu Lei.

He had been left seeing stars by Fang Jun’s punch, his head buzzing incessantly. He reached up to touch his face, coming away with a handful of warm blood. This was only because Fang Jun had been looking for trouble rather than wanting to kill, holding back seventy percent of his strength. Otherwise, given Fang Jun’s power, that punch could have shattered Liu Lei’s skull.

Seeing Li Tai storm off without a glance in his direction, Liu Lei felt a wave of desolation. This Prince’s nature was truly cold-blooded. He tried to stand and follow, but after a few struggles, his head swam, and he failed to rise.

Fang Jun strode over, and with a flex of his iron-like arms, hoisted Liu Lei up as if he were a chick. He complained incessantly, "Oh, Censor Liu, you really are something. Why say such things? You forced me to hit you. I didn't know you were so fragile; had I known, I would have held back more... I am so sorry, it’s all my fault... I was born dull-witted and truly don't understand the mindset of you scholars, asking others to hit you... I just can't wrap my head around it. Everyone says I'm not very bright, but looking at you, I don't think your brain is much better..."

This made Liu Lei so angry he nearly fainted backward, stumbling to the ground again.

Shivering all over, Liu Lei raised his blood-smeared, ruined face, and pointed a trembling finger at Fang Jun. "You... you just wait. Assaulting a court official... wait until I report this to His Majesty; I will ensure you are severely punished..."

He would have been better off staying silent. At these words, Fang Jun became indignant.

"You told me to hit you, and now you want to report me? Are you trying to trap me? Good heavens, Censor Liu, you are too despicable! This is clearly the 'bitter flesh trick' of Huang Gai! I, Fang Jun, am honest and upright, yet I fell for your scheme..."

Hearing this, Liu Lei nearly spat out a mouthful of blood. A bitter flesh trick? You’re the one using a trick! Have you ever seen someone perform a bitter flesh trick like this?

Liu Lei finally realized there was no reasoning with this blockhead. Fine, keep pretending to be an idiot—just you wait!

Liu Lei shoved Fang Jun away and stumbled off. His thin silhouette, shivering in the biting north wind, looked utterly desolate.

After this commotion, the others had no heart left for drinking and dispersed one by one.

"Brother, well done!" said Duan Gui, the third son of the Duke of Bao, Duan Zhixuan.

"That punch was stylish, very much in my own vein," Qu Tuquan added shamelessly.

Yuwen Luohan, the second son of Yuwen Shiji, patted Fang Jun on the shoulder and said, "Next time you decide to act, let us know, and we'll all join in."

Yuwen Luohan’s name was quite interesting, though his older brother’s name was even more so—Yuwen Chanshi (Zen Master Yuwen)—and his sister was Yuwen Xiuduoluo... Being of minority descent, their culture was quite different from the Central Plains, and even after many years of integration, conflicts and differences remained at the roots.

Li Zhen, looking righteous, declared, "Second Brother, rest assured. Today's events all began because of me. I certainly won't let you bear the blame or punishment for my sake. I will personally petition His Majesty and accept the consequences. However, thank you for today. I won't say much more, but from this day forward, you, Fang Er, are my brother!"

***

Fang Jun was startled and quickly said, "Brother, you cannot! I was the one who threw the punch, so I should be the one to own it. Whatever punishment follows, I will bear it. If you petition the Emperor rashly, it will serve no purpose other than to implicate yourself!"

He was joking, of course. He had set out to cause trouble specifically to continue his "self-defilement" mission—"the marriage has not yet been annulled, and the comrade must still struggle." It wasn't easy maintaining his image as a reckless, dim-witted fool. If Li Zhen got involved, the effect would be greatly diminished.

Li Zhen said sternly, "Do you take me for the kind of man who would let a brother take the fall for me?"

Fang Jun smiled bitterly. "Brother, there is no need to be so calculating. Since we are brothers, why distinguish between us?"

Having said this, Li Zhen looked at Fang Jun deeply, nodded, and said no more. A real man shouldn't be overly sentimental; he would simply keep Fang Jun’s act of standing up for his honor in his heart.

He was unaware, however, that while Fang Jun did indeed want to protect his honor, his true motivation was simply to find trouble.

Only Lady Lixue, who had been watching from the sidelines, had a strange expression. Looking at Fang Jun, her eyes filled with resentment, she bit her cherry lips and sighed softly, "Second Brother is truly chivalrous. But you have been here twice, and both times you have struck a Prince. This is really..."

Had he ruined her business? Or brought her even greater fame? Lady Lixue couldn't decide whether to be happy or disappointed.

Fang Jun didn't care, laughing, "It only goes to show that you are a beauty of such peerless grace that men are willing to fall at your feet, flocking like ducks..."

Lady Lixue’s eyes turned, shimmering like water, and she whispered, "Would Second Brother also be willing to fall at my feet?"

With those bright eyes and gentle expression, paired with such an ambiguous remark, she looked so delicate and alluring that even an old monk in a temple might have had his worldly desires stirred...

Fang Jun’s heart skipped a beat. He looked at her flower-like face and those plump, cherry-red lips, swallowed hard, and let out a hearty laugh toward the sky. "I’m afraid your skirt is a bit too short. If I were to crawl inside, I wouldn't be able to hide these long legs of mine..."

After making this lewd remark, Fang Jun swaggered away.

He left only Lady Lixue and her trembling maids standing in the biting wind, staring blankly at the silent, empty courtyard.

After a while, a matronly woman walked over, leaned toward Lixue’s ear, and whispered, "This Fang Er is truly a brute; he’s ruined your good opportunities twice now!"

Though her voice was low, her irritation was palpable.

Lady Lixue smiled, blooming like a plum blossom, beautiful and peerless. She said softly, "Opportunities are plenty. But this Fang Er... he doesn't seem as dim-witted as he appears. How interesting..."